There was a time when I never thought about my body. I wore what I liked, stood wherever I wanted in photos, and never analyzed how I looked from different angles. Confidence wasn’t something I practiced. It was just there.
But when PCOS entered my life, the first visible change was my weight. It didn’t feel dramatic to me at first, but it was dramatic enough for others to notice. And once people notice, they comment.
“You’ve gained weight.”
“You look so different now.”
“You look very fat in this photo.”
They say it casually, like they’re pointing out the weather. I usually laugh it off. It feels easier to smile than to explain. But hearing the same thing repeatedly slowly changes the way you see yourself.
PCOS is more than irregular periods. It affects hormones, metabolism, energy levels, and emotional balance. Your body starts functioning differently. Effort doesn’t always give the same results. And while you’re trying to adjust to that reality, the outside world keeps reminding you of what has changed.
I began noticing small shifts in myself. I stopped standing in front for pictures. I chose outfits based on what would hide more. Before posting a photo, I zoom in first ; not to admire the memory, but to judge how fat I look.
There are days when my emotions feel heavier than usual. Hormonal imbalance does that. Irritation comes quickly. Fatigue lingers. And sometimes I feel guilty for not being the easygoing version of myself that I used to be.
What hurts most is not the weight itself. It’s how quickly a body becomes public discussion. How easily people comment without realizing that you are already trying to make peace with it.
I am still social. I still smile. I still show up.
But now there is an awareness I never had before ; of how I look, of what people might say, of how my body will be perceived.
Living with PCOS has forced me to confront parts of myself I never questioned before. It has tested my confidence in quiet ways. I am still rebuilding that confidence; not the loud, effortless kind I once had, but a steadier one that understands struggle.
Some days feel heavier than others. But I am learning that my worth cannot shrink or expand with my weight.
And that is a lesson I am still practicing, every day.
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