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IN THE END, NONE OF IT MATTERED

Nothing hurts more than knowing you did everything you could for a friend, and still being told it wasn’t enough. You try in every possible way. Not loudly. Not for credit. But quietly. You change how you speak. You soften your reactions. You think twice, sometimes three times, before saying anything, just so you don’t hurt them the way others did. You start understanding them more than you express yourself. You listen more. You adjust more. You give more. Not because you’re forced to, but because you genuinely care. And for a moment, it feels like it works. They smile. They feel okay. You feel like maybe, just maybe, you’re doing something right. But it never lasts. Because they’re not okay. And you know that. So you keep trying, even harder this time. You become more patient, more careful, more present, hoping it will make a difference. And then comes the sentence that breaks you. That this friendship survives only because they are trying. That you don’t understand them. ...
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THE END.

If you have read my previous blog, you would know that college was never really a place I enjoyed. For a long time, it felt like somewhere I had to go every day out of compulsion. But things changed in my final year. I found really good friends, and without even realizing it, I made memories that I truly cherish now. Yesterday was my farewell. We all came dressed up, took countless selfies, and walked into the venue together. It felt strange in a way, because for the past three years, we were the ones who worked tirelessly for every department event. But yesterday, it was our day. We were the special ones. Our juniors welcomed us so warmly, and even though it felt unusual, it was actually very nice. The program started on a happy note. We laughed, cheered for every dance performance, sang loudly to the songs, took group photos, and received blessings from our professors. Everything felt light and joyful. But things changed towards the end. From being the ones who were enjoy...
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THE WEIGHT I CARRY

There was a time when I never thought about my body. I wore what I liked, stood wherever I wanted in photos, and never analyzed how I looked from different angles. Confidence wasn’t something I practiced. It was just there. But when PCOS entered my life, the first visible change was my weight. It didn’t feel dramatic to me at first, but it was dramatic enough for others to notice. And once people notice, they comment. “You’ve gained weight.” “You look so different now.” “You look very fat in this photo.” They say it casually, like they’re pointing out the weather. I usually laugh it off. It feels easier to smile than to explain. But hearing the same thing repeatedly slowly changes the way you see yourself. PCOS is more than irregular periods. It affects hormones, metabolism, energy levels, and emotional balance. Your body starts functioning differently. Effort doesn’t always give the same results. And while you’re trying to adjust to that reality, the outside world keeps re...
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BECOMING WHAT I ONCE FEARED

Nothing hurts more than hurting the one you love in anger. I grew up around short tempers, harsh words, and sharp reactions, and I was always the one on the receiving end. For most of my life, that pain followed me like a shadow. I wanted to run away from it. From the words they used. From the anger. From the way love was mixed with fear. But I never realised something important. I am one of them. I am part of them. Slowly, without noticing, I became what I feared the most. The same tone. The same temper. The same way of treating the people I love. I hurt someone I care about without meaning to, without even realising it at first, and that was the moment I couldn’t look away from myself. The way I speak. The way I laugh. The way I react. It all comes from them. The monster I wanted to run from isn’t chasing me anymore. It was growing inside me. I am becoming the very thing I once feared.
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THE TRIP THAT GAVE ME MY GIRL'S GANG

People always say that a college trip is one of the most important journey of your life, at least in college. They say it either brings people closer or breaks bonds you thought would last forever. For me, it did the first. It brought us together. Before the trip, I had friends in my class. A few girls I talked to, did assignments with, and went shopping at college stalls. We were friendly, comfortable, but that was all. We were friends, yes but more like companions. Nothing deep. Nothing that felt like my people. But this trip changed everything. Somewhere between long bus rides, shared rooms, and tired laughter, we became a girls’ gang. And that’s something I had always wanted from the very first day of my college life. I dreamed of it for so long. Sadly, it happened only at the end, when we have just four months left together.  During the trip, I felt something I had never felt before in college. Belonging. The late-night talks that went on forever. The UNO games whe...
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WILL WE STILL BE US?

Today my friend came over, and we did what friends always do: Gossip, life updates, silly jokes, the kind of conversations that jump from one topic to another. At some point, I started telling her about my recent college trip, how it went, the moments that upset me, the ones that made me laugh, and all the small memories in between. Then she suddenly asked, “Do you think this friendship will last after college?” I paused. I didn’t have a ready answer. I just told her, “I don’t know… but if they need me, I’ll be there.” She nodded, and the conversation moved on. But after she left, that question stayed behind. It kept circling in my head. I’ve spent almost three years with these people. Three whole years is a long time. College honestly wasn’t perfect for me, I had both good days and bad days. But these friends became a big part of that journey. We shared notes before exams, complained about assignments, laughed at the smallest things, and somehow survived all the chaos toge...
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SO "POST-TRIP DEPRESSION" IS REAL

I had heard about the term post-trip depression before, but I never believed it was real. I always thought trips are just moments we enjoy for a while, and coming back to normal life is something we all have to do. It felt unavoidable. But here I am now, after going on two trips back to back, a trip to Kodaikanal in December and a trip to Coorg in January, and I finally understand what that term really means. Ever since coming back, I haven’t been able to move on from those days. My mind keeps thinking about where to go next, what place I should visit, what new trip I can plan. Even though I know I’m just a college student and I can’t afford to keep traveling like that, and I don’t even have the time because my final year is the most important phase of my life but I still can’t seem to stop thinking about it. I keep traveling back in my memories, thinking about everything we did on those trips: the late-night gossip, the fun we had, the games we played, the places we explor...
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